sometimes i really hate myself. i wish i was outgoing instead of shy. i wish i always knew what to say (i'd settle for knowing what to say even part of the time.) i am the social equivalent of a chameleon...not because i adapt myself to the people around me, but because nobody notices me, nobody remembers me and no one would notice if i wasn't there. i'm really upset with myself right now because this past weekend i met her again. the girl i met a couple of weeks ago on the west coast. i should have been talking to her, getting to know her better, instead i hardly talked to her at all and when i was with her i couldn't think of anything to say. she's still coming out here in a couple weeks for maybe five days before she heads back to belgium unless she changes her mind but any chance i had to be someone she cared about is gone. i've messed up. the worst part is, if i had it to do all over again i don't know what i would do differently. i can't change the fact that i'm quiet and shy. i can't change the fact that i didn't have anything to say. quite frankly i don't think there's any hope for me. is there?